I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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