I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
