Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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