woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
