I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
