let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
