I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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