so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
