You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
