My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
