he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
