that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
