So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i barfeds in our rink
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
