I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
