Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
