she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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