You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
