He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
