maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
