Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize