smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
