Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
