im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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