Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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