i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
