was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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