Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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