who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
