god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
