He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wish I only lived at night.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
