I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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