look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
