I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
