i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
