This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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