the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
