The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
