i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
