there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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