Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
