It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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