the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
