I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
