im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
