if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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