he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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