P.S. I can't hear my feet
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
