I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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