I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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