"it" just moved
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
