Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He passed out mid-signature
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
