Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize