I can tuck mytits in my pants
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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