I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
