You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
