why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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