Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize