Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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