I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
