I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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