is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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