dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sponge bath it is.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
