The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize