allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize