the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
