girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
