Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
wow bdsm is so cute
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
