Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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